Hey what's up guys, it's your boy, Vim here, back at it again with some bullshit. Dude, so much shit has happened. I don't even know where to start. Actually, kind of looking back, it wasn't that much Lol.
Update: More time has passed since I started writing, so there is actually a lot of shit that happened Lol.
I guess first off, it's solidified that I am stopping pursuing Star from the coffee place. I just looked at how we are as people, and I can just tell it's not compatible. And having been in a relationship where both parties aren't compatible, I don't want to make the same mistake. It's okay, though. I still see her as a friend and will still talk to her when the chance arises. It's just, I'm not going to view her as a potential partner, you know. And what also helped drive the point home is that I kind of made friends with these two guys at the coffee place. We were just shooting the shit, talking about life and stuff. Star was occasionally coming over to talk to me or talk to the guys because, as I've said, she's a social person. I noticed the guys, especially one of them, were looking at Star with interest. I didn't really have feelings of jealousy or anything. I mean a little bit, but not as much as one should be if they have true feelings for someone. Because near the time they had to go, I wasn't feeling like "These assholes keep looking at her." I was thinking, hey, the one dude who kept looking at her might actually be a good match for her. He seemed like a nice dude and pretty chill. He's much closer in age to Star than I am, so they'd have more things in common, too. I hope I'm not portraying myself as an incel here; I just genuinely stopped having those kinds of feelings for Star. She didn't do anything to cause this; it's just a realization of differences.
School has been okay. I'm like a week behind in my Government class. I have to write this like essay about state-society relations and elaborate on that or whatever the fuck. The professor linked some articles to read, so I'll get more context when I actually get started with the assignment. Note: this assignment was due April 12 My Communications class is going well. I got a 92.5 on the last official exam we have to take. It was just going to be 90, but I found a grading mistake. I felt bad because she now had to go through everyone's exams to make sure they were graded correctly. As a final assignment for that class, we just have to record a speech about our chosen career/career field, and which two concepts we learned will be most helpful. It's not too bad; it's a two-part assignment, first having to submit an outline of the speech and then the speech itself. When I was making the outline, I included the info I wanted to convey in the speech rather than just general speaking points, so all I have to do now is just turn the outline into bullet points for the speech. My literature class, though...put a bullet in my head for every time I had a panic attack writing an analysis for that class, and you'll have to empty the whole clip or mag. He sent out an announcement saying, "Sorry for not grading your guys' assignments on time, I've been having personal problems," and it's okay dude, it's fine, take care of your stuff, I'm not gonna ride your ass for not telling me if I did a shit job or not. Then one day, I got a Canvas notification that my analysis got graded, so with bated breath, I opened the notification and saw I got a 20/20. I was ecstatic, thinking damn I must be pretty smart. But then I checked the comments, and the dude says that he basically gave everyone a perfect score for participation because he doesn't have time to review everyone's analyses. That kind of dampened the mood, but I just took it in stride. I'd rather have a perfect score with everyone rather than a shit score that's not as shit as others'. So on Sunday nights he opens the next week's module right, keep in mind this is the last assignment for the course. TELL ME HOW HE HAS US DOING ANOTHER FUCKING ANALYSIS. LIKE DUDE YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T HAVE TIME TO GRADE THIS SHIT. JUST GIVE US A MULTIPLE-CHOICE QUIZ AND CALL IT A SEMESTER. I don't know dude, I don't know if he thinks we're English majors or what, but give me a fucking break. I've been bending down, ass cheeks spread, and been getting fucked by this class almost all semester. I mean, I like reading, and the class is part of the reason why I started reading again religiously, but come on, bro. Do you and us a favor and just ask us bullshit questions through a quiz. And this upcoming assignment isn't similar to previous ones, where we can pick whatever medium we want to (as in it can be anything, such as a poem, story, TV Show, Movie) it has to come from this fucking college-curated resource and must be either a short story or poem. 😃🔫
Updates regarding school: So my Communications professor docked some points off my outline because, for my attention-getter, I asked a question for the crowd, which is bad because it's a video speech, so there is no crowd. I think I specifically said in the paper that I do it for a comedic effect. They also said that I shouldn't write full sentences; instead, I should use bullet points so the speech is more extemporaneous rather than just reading everything straight. I explained in the comments of my submission that I did this to have the information ready for when I do make bulleted points for my speech. It's okay, it's only 2 points off. I'm not gonna kms. My Literature professor, however, took only 2 points off, but his explanations for why they're docked are kind of pissing me off. It's because he says that I need to analyze things more; he did get me with using the word "we" which is muy mal for college writings. It's just like, come on, man, just throw me a bone here and there.
My social life has been okay. I went to this video game bar with high school friends and some new friends. The new friends I met through the HS friends whom they met at a Comic Con-like convention. Too bad I didn't get to enjoy much because I was DOING LITERATURE HOMEWORK AT THE FUCKING BAR. It's okay, I don't like video games that much anyway. The update^ that I wrote is actually about the homework I was finishing at the bar. I was chatting with everyone, and it was fun. The bartender was cute, and I think she was looking at me or, like my HS friend said, was just doing her job Lol. I went to two events since the last update. I went to see ice-skating legend Alysa Liu perform LIVE. It was so cool, it was by the Stars on Ice event, and I was able to see the entire American Olympic team perform renditions of their performances at the Olympics. Obviously, Alysa was fantastic, but everyone was so stunning. Especially Ilia Malinin and the couple skaters Madison Chock and Evan Bates, who I JUST FOUND OUT ARE MARRIED....WHAT. That's so cute, like omg I knew they had chemistry on the ice, but off it too? Iconic bruh. I also went to the Baby Keem concert promoting his new Casino album. I'm honestly a fake Baby Keem fan; I only got into him through his cousin Kendrick Lamar. But I enjoyed myself nonetheless; some songs I knew, some songs I didn't. I made friends with the guy I was standing next to, who I think has a pretty nice job because he offered to buy me a drink if I saved his spot for him, and was pondering buying a table for like $300 so he could sit. I did save his spot for him at one point, so I got a free drink Lol. I saw like 3 people attempt to crowdsurf (note the word attempt) and a fight almost broke out. A couple came out with the girl crying because the mosh pit was way too much, which it was. After all, whenever a popular song played, it was wavelike, both fluid and crashing. I made the poor decision of going to my job after the concert (notably still tipsy) because I saw in the work groupchat we had some team member discussion, and there was pizza...I was going for the pizza. So I arrived there, and everyone was like, "Whoa, why are you here?" It was all nice, I didn't get pizza because I get everyone is a fatass, but it was a coworker's 11th anniversary, so there was cake (I'm a fatass too). Unfortunately, I did, however, make some jokes that I had been warned before not to make. They're not anything egregious, just inappropriate for a workplace. And right now I'm panicking because the team leaders were in the managers' office afterwards talking, and I'm being delusional thinking it might be about me. The manager and I don't really vibe well, and they were there when I said the jokes, so I'm scared. But I'll take things in stride, admit to my mistakes, and do my best not to do them again. I am just upset because the team leader who I am very close with was the one who warned me, who warned me again that day, and I don't want to disappoint them. So I'll keep attention from now on, making sure I don't disappoint them because they are leaving soon, and I don't want them to be in doubt about me when they leave. I also just want to be a better person in general, you know, always self-improve and whatnot.
By the way, today I helped my friend Bert maybe get a big-girl job! He did have a job with the Highway Patrol before doing the bootcamp and stuff, but personal shit got in the way, so he's stuck doing security at some company building. But today I saw someone at the coffee place with a police badge on their shirt, and I told myself that next time I see someone who works for a department, I'll ask for an email or something. So it took a while (and a while is 2 hours), but I finally grew a pair and asked if they were hiring. And dude...did I luck the fuck out. Turns out the person was THE CAPTAIN OF THE DEPARTMENT. She gave me her business card with all her contact info! To gain some confidence, I called my said friend earlier for info if needed (I asked subtly) and if he had applied for this specific department. He said no, so I knew I had to do something, and thankfully, I did. So yeah, I sent my friend a pic of the business card, and I kind of babied him by telling him what to do, but that's because I want him to succeed no matter what. I think I've mentioned this before, but I've been buying books a lot as a depression cope, but I'm thinking if he gets the job, I'll buy him a book with the business card enveloped in it as a gift. GOOD LUCK, BERT! I HOPE YOU GET THE JOB!
Here are some updates regarding my Radiography program. I've finished everything on the checklist they had required before the program starts. Including the tuberculosis headache. Which reminds me, I need to call the financial department of the hospital because they're charging me an additional $125 for the X-Ray even though I have a paper from the school that says I get a discounted rate of only $75. Like what the fuck. The only thing I have to do now is the drug test, which I'm scared of doing because I am an infrequent user of the moss. I mean, like I haven't done it in like 3 or 4 months, plus I only take 3 hits max each time, so the chances of it showing are so low it's in the negatives. I'm just scared and want to be careful, so I'm doing the Certo and Gatorade method. If you don't know what that is, it's on Reddit. So yeah, I'm gonna do that tonight. There was also some issue that I found out and fixed today about verifying my identity for the hospital ID, because I didn't visit the link within 48 hours (I know I should check my school email more often) but I emailed the school coordinator of the hospital and got it fixed in like a span of 3 hours, so it's all good. The only bad thing is that the school instructor said that the link should last a week, but it didn't, so I don't know what's up with that.
Now for the moment we've all been waiting for...my love life. dun dun duuunnn So, since Star is out of the picture, I do have a new crush, but before we get there, let's talk about the passerbys. So I went to this indie bookstore event at this food hall place (unfortunately didn't get any books) and I saw this alternative/emo-looking girl just studying there. I wouldn't be writing about her if I didn't find her pretty, but dude, my social anxiety is so fucking shit. I told myself two times I would go up to her if this or that happened...and this or that kept happening. First this or that was if I finished this sushi burrito I ordered, and she was still there, I'd go up to her; I finished it, and she was still there, but I didn't go up to her. Second this or that was I had to take a shit, so I said if she's still there after I take a shit, I'd go up to her. And guess what, I took a shit and I saw her walking toward the parking garage. So I'm there, tailing behind her, wrapping my head around this simple fucking concept of just saying "hi". But before I knew it, she got to her car and left. Fuck. The second passerby was this booth merchant at the Baby Keem concert, who looked alternative/emo-like (see a pattern?) that I found pretty. This one was pretty quick. I went up, asked for merch, and was tongue twisted if I should ask her out. Before I knew it, I paid for the merch, gave a 25% tip, and was heading out of the venue. Fuck. The third one was actually today, an hour before I resumed writing this blog post. There was this pretty girl at the coffee place who I kept getting distracted by, and I was wondering if I should ask her out, but I finally decided I shouldn't hop from one girl to another and should devote my energy to the new crush. She may think I have a thing for her (which I kind of do, she's my type) because I kept looking in her direction, but actually, it was for the police person I talked about earlier, because she was sitting outside.
Before we move on to the next crush, I think I should mention this feeling I've been wrestling with that concerns my ex. I met up with a mutual friend of ours that I've mentioned before who I spent my birthday. Let's call her Charlotte. I met up with Charlotte and her mom at this popular asian supermarket after class. I skipped my second class of the day because it wasn't required, and I figured it's more important to be social. I may or may not have stolen an onigiri because I was hungry Lol. Don't worry, I bought a pack of fried dumplings as redemption. But anyway, we had a fun conversation about shooting the shit, but then she mentioned my ex. She talked about how she had surgery recently, and that the surgery was a success, thank God. She's in the hospital right now, recovering. It just shocked me. I was overtaken by this feeling of loss and sadness. I used to know everything about her, from the mundane things, the most useless things, let alone major ones like this. But now, since we're broken up, I don't have the right to know anymore. I don't get to know how her days are, how work is, any achievements she's gained, or any drawbacks she's suffered. I knew that this would be the case; most cases of breaking up, you're not part of each other's lives anymore. But this is my first realization of this. It's a lot to process.
Enough of the sad stuff, let's get to the more cheerful side of things. I have this crush on this girl who works at my job, albeit she's dayshift so I don't see her often. She's Filipino too, so one connection of commonality, and...that's it. I don't know anything else about her except that people like her because she's a good person. She's shy, and I mean extremely shy and reserved. When I decided that I was going to pursue her, I made the grave mistake of asking two coworkers to ask if she was single. I thought that they would ask her at different times, but no. In succession, one after the other, one had a convo with her and asked if she was single, and right after the other one came up, had a convo with her and asked if she was single. Before this clusterfuck happened, she saw me talk with both of them, so she likely knows. I mean, even before I thought of pursuing her, we've glanced at each other. We've also had some convo here and there, which were positive. But here's the thing, so one time I came very early to work so I could work on some assignments, and she happened to be there. I was heavily debating if I should ask her out there and then, even talked to a coworker working the same section as her, if I should. The coworker said yes, and that likely she knows because she was looking at us talking. But I was a pussy, because when she was in the storage room alone, and I came up to her, I just lowered my head in shame and walked out. Here's the thing: she's not giving me any clues about whether she likes me as well or wants me to do something. It may be as a result of the shyness, as some people have said, but I'm still confused. One of the clusterfuck situation coworkers told me that she had a convo with her after the "are you single" question, and said not to go for it because she seemed uncomfortable with the number of people who asked if she was single. Even later on the day when I decided I was just gonna have a regular convo with her, it may be because she was busy or something, but I just felt awkward and like I was forcing the convo. I don't want to make her uncomfortable or anything, so I'm really debating if I should even go through with asking her out. I think I will, because the worst-case scenario is her saying no (and losing a bit of my self-worth). The reasoning for me liking her is because of the fact that she is quiet, it seems calming and nice. I feel like I need that in my life right now. I'll be calling this new work crush Grace for simplicity's sake.
So yeah, I think I've updated you guys with everything big that's happened to date. Unless anything happens in the span of 10 seconds before I click the publish button.
With love,
-Vim