Hey there, I'm Vim. I'm starting this blog to have something to look forward to or have a purpose in my day-to-day life.
I guess I should start with who I am. As of March 2026, I am 23 years old, but I do turn 24 in April. I just got accepted into the competitive X-Ray program at my local college (yay). I have a thick build (mildly fat) and am considered short by American standards, but average in height in my home country of the Philippines. I think my looks are okay, average, I think. I did have a girlfriend, but that's a whole post by itself. I am as close to being a hermit as it gets. I have almost no friends. I mean, I do have some friends, but I'm depressed and very introverted; I have trouble maintaining the friends I have now, and am more terrible at making new ones. I spend my days watching TV/movies or studying at a cafe.
Today is the first day back from Spring Break. I think I did well, all things considered. I did two assignments for my Interpersonal Communications class, which makes me a week ahead. My U.S. Government class's only assignment this week is an online quiz with unlimited retakes and an in-class discussion, so no panic attacks there. My Intro to Literature class, however, is a beast by itself.
That class is the only time I've ever received a D in college. Granted, I did it very last minute because I attended an ex-friend's rave a few days prior, but even in recent assignments, I've been struggling. I just can't seem to dig deep into the assigned readings or movies I pick to analyze. I've been using my depression as an excuse, but I think I'm just an idiot Lol. And it's a shame because I enjoy reading stories and watching YouTube analysis videos, and I've been enjoying the class too, but not doing a good job is making me feel dispirited. I hope I can get my mind straight and do well in the next assignment.
I spend my days at this cafe because my room is a depression room right now, i.e., it's a mess. Plus, the house I am renting is a grandmother's home, and she takes care of all of the family's babies. So imagine coming home in the morning after a 12-hour shift and only being able to catch 4 hours of sleep because the babies are crying. Yeah...it's not the best place for quality time. But cheap rent is cheap rent, so I'm just gonna keep chugging along until I finish college. There's also another, slightly more positive, reason why I keep coming back to the cafe. There's this barista (I'm already embarrassed writing about it, as I am here at the said cafe) that I've seemed to form a liking for.
Let's call her Star just for fun and giggles. As all crushes start, I thought she was pretty, and from seeing how she interacts with people, she's very sweet. Maybe a bit too sweet, because she interacts with almost everyone who comes into the place, regular or not. But the thing is, whenever she talks with me, it seems a bit different. Look, I really hope I'm not painting myself as some incel that is scared of women. I just genuinely have poor social skills. Anyways, whenever we talk, she asks me somewhat personal questions and seems interested in what I have to say. She even remembers things, like asking me about the book I brought last week (I wrote this all the day before, and see that I am kind of depicting myself as an incel fuck me Lol). I might have even found out she's single because when we were talking about Spring break, she mentioned that she works practically every day but wants to go on vacation soon. I asked if she was going solo on that trip, and she said yes. What fucks me up about this is that she then asked me if I was going solo to the drive-thru movie theater I wanted to visit. Like, did she ask that because she wanted to know if I was single, or was she just wanting to continue the conversation? Another issue is that I value hardworking people, and I might have heard her coworkers gossip about her behind her back. I know they are at fault for gossiping, which is a bad thing to do, but if it's for sorta-valid reasons, then I wouldn't want an intimate relationship with her. I guess you can call it a preference or value(?). I don't want to make things awkward or do something dumb, so I don't think I'll be making any moves, unfortunately; I might not even stay in the current U.S. state I live in for much longer.
As I've said, I'm depressed and had a girlfriend in the past. My upbringing here in the U.S. wasn't the best, mostly because of my father, but that's a whole post by itself. I haven't been the happiest since I moved here from the Philippines. Then there's my ex-girlfriend. We were together for 4 years, and we had many ups and downs. For the last 2 years of our relationship, it became long-distance because she moved to another state, which made things more complicated. She called things off in October of last year, and I can't say I was very surprised, but I still mourned the relationship nonetheless. I'm still mourning it to this day. Which brings me to wanting to move states. I've had too many memories here, both good and bad, and I feel like I need to change; a breath of fresh air. I've already decided the state I want to move to, inspired by a TV show I was watching Lol. It seems like a quiet state; nothing much is going on there (don't hear much about them in the news), so I think I'll be happy. I think this is a good spot to end off for today. I'll be posting another log later today because this was supposed to be yesterday's post, but I got distracted.
Thank you, everyone!